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Study Finds Most Isekai Waifus Aren’t Actually Attracted to Protagonist

In a recent study conducted by Oxford University 96% of all romantic feelings displayed by Isekai waifus were greatly exaggerated.

The study which was conducted from the Spring of 2012 to Winter of 2019. showed that many of the girls cast as “love interests” often misrepresented the intensity of their feelings towards the protagonist when applying for the role.

The girls interviewed, all age at least 18, embodied a wide variety of tropes with the tiddy air head (referred to as “eye candy” in the study), excessively horny older sister to Masochist, Childhood friend, and masochist being the most commonly represented.

While individual reasons for each trope were not reported The one reason shared between all of the participants was, by lying about their feelings for him for misrepresenting their feelings was it made them more likely to get the roles which come with very lucrative merchandising deals.

Critics of the study state that the findings are unreliable due to the study’s focus on harem series. Many believe that excluding other, more nuanced story lines skews the data, not giving a complete picture. One critic called it “Absolute Garbage” and “an affront to proper academic research”. In response, The head of the study, Dr. William Goodlaw IV responded with “No U”. Truly a man of vast intellect.

New Series Uses We Built This City During Tragic Death Montage

In a move critics praised as “a unique take on a familiar concept” new series Flying Swords set a montage, killing off most of the stellar main cast, to the 1986 Mega-hit you still can’t get out of your head “We Built this City”.  When asked how the team came up with this idea the director stated “It’s all about subversion”. Even if it results in a work completely falling apart and ruining something promising, Everyone knows that subverting expectations automatically makes something artistic and interesting”.

 

Great Ending Ruined by Terrible Series

It was an ending writers wish they could make. It was thrilling. It tied up all the loose ends. It concluded the story in a way any fan would adore, if only there were any left. You see this perfect ending was unfortunately attached to “My Childhood Friend is a Tyrannical Dictator in Another World” an alleged romantic comedy/political thriller that has been lovingly described as “hot garbage” and “the anime equivalent of getting a tooth pulled nut somehow more painful”.

New Protagonist Granted Dual Super-powers of Clairvoyance and Anxiety

In today’s hyper-competitive field of overpowered protagonists one power just isn’t enough. In response one author decided to spice things up they took the ever favorite future-sight and, along with it, gave our hero crippling anxiety. “This sucks, I mean yeah it’s cool I can win every fight and know what to say to everyone but that doesn’t mean much when I get anxious over things that won’t happen for 600 years”. “Couldn’t the author have given me a more reasonable combo power like super-high charisma but an insufferable personality”?

Demon Lord Increasingly concerned about Number of Teenagers Sent to Kill Her

In a recent interview Isekai Demon Lord Sartyia vented her frustration with being contractually obligated to fight random Japanese teenagers. “It’s absurd, the last one was like the 6th this season”. It’s gotten to the point where trying to kill them just feels wrong. Thankfully, I’ve found ways to keep them from getting too far. Like adding increasingly dumb misunderstandings between protagonist-kun and his clichè compadres. For example, I managed to create a 3 episode arc of him needing to deal with main-girl getting jealous because he had a 20 second conversation with a weapons vendor I turned into a cute girl. Forcing them to go on these adventures is exhausting but worth it. I mean, someone’s gotta look after these idiots.

In Protest to Gods Refusal to Fix World Balance Demon Lord Unveils Peasant Railgun

Recently the Demon Lord filed a complaint that the new Isekai protagonist was far too overpowered and that the gods needed to nerf him. Unfortunately for her the “15-year old nobody” was chosen as wish fulfillment for the gods and her request was denied. In addition they made a decree that she will be required to be a part of his harem.

In retaliation to this decision she unveiled her kingdom’s new superweapon The Peasant Railgun.  “It’s freakin’ awesome”! “Basically it takes a peasant and through magic accelerates them really really really fast. It even has the ability to punch through plot armor up to 7 friendships deep.

However, not everyone thinks this coolest thing ever. The main detractor is 15yearold powerfantasy who believes that allowing this weapon would set a dangerous precedent. “If we allow a weapon to exist it would mean future protagonists would need to put in effort to overcome the challenges placed before them instead of having victory handed to them”. Truly a tragedy.

Impending Catastrophe Waiting For Someone to Monologue on How Peaceful Everything is.

Offscreen, Tragic Flashback- It is yet another idyllic day in the town of Tragic Flashback and all is great. Unless you’re The Impending Calamity.

“This iss soooo freakin’ boooooring”. I’ve been here for TWO EPISODES and no one has monologued about how peaceful and perfect their life is here. How am I supposed to  kill everything they love if they don’t go on…and on…and on about how wonderful everything is? I mean sure, I could just show up anyway but that would be both super unprofessional and hurt my chances at getting any other roles.

Bethesda Betting on Cute Anime Girls To Ensure Starfield’s Success

After their money-bleeding performance of ” How to Ruin Everything in E minor” Bethesda Game Studios knew they were in trouble. They know that their next big release Starfield needs to be a massive success in order to both boost the bottom line and recover the goodwill they burned like a witch at the stake.

To ensure the success of their next marquee release they looked to the exceptional Fallout 4 modding community for ideas. After hours of intense research (i.e. scrolls through the “hot” section for awhile) they found the one thing that would ensure record-breaking sales numbers: cute anime girls. To be more specific The AnimeRace Nanakochan mod by hiyokomod.

This mod adds a new race into the game that let’s you play as a cute anime girl. Allowing you to to fulfill everyone’s dream of traveling through Post-Apocalyptia role playing a magical girl.

Due to this Bethesda has decided to swap every npcs’ race to the Animerace guaranteeing at lease an aggregate score of 8/10, multiple Game of the Year awards, and bragging rights that they made Mass Effect moe.

 

 

Chaos Ensues After Absolute Madman Finishes Series Before Reviewing It

It was on this day that hell came forth. Reviewer, Insertusernamehere, posted a review of a totally not fake show I didn’t want to come up with a name for. However, readers were baffled by how detailed it was. After some investigating by intrepid citizen journalists it came out that this user had actually watched the entire series before commenting on it. When this revelation came to light the internet lost its shit.

Pandemonium raged through forums like wildfire. Some users were in utter disbelief with one stating: “why would somebody do that? Being informed is a waste of time”. Other users were filled with unquenchable rage stating: ” how am I supposed to rail on a series when I’m presented with a well researched and unbiased review”!

This truly a crisis

 

Study Finds That Tragic Backstories Could be Made Less Tragic if Nothing Tragic Happens

Allegedly Oslo, Norway— A new study, totally not conducted by us, has found the solution to the nigh infinite amount of tragic backstories: don’t have them. These backstories, which have long plagued media, exist because they’re an easy way to create character motivation and people apparently like being miserable. Now, this plan isn’t completely foolproof as there are those who would argue that having nothing tragic would be a tragic itself. That never having to face the harshness of reality at a young age would only set them up to suffer through greater pain later in life.

While that may be true, and would allow for some interesting storytelling it sounds like way too much work.