comedy?

New Protagonist Granted Dual Super-powers of Clairvoyance and Anxiety

In today’s hyper-competitive field of overpowered protagonists one power just isn’t enough. In response one author decided to spice things up they took the ever favorite future-sight and, along with it, gave our hero crippling anxiety. “This sucks, I mean yeah it’s cool I can win every fight and know what to say to everyone but that doesn’t mean much when I get anxious over things that won’t happen for 600 years”. “Couldn’t the author have given me a more reasonable combo power like super-high charisma but an insufferable personality”?

In Protest to Gods Refusal to Fix World Balance Demon Lord Unveils Peasant Railgun

Recently the Demon Lord filed a complaint that the new Isekai protagonist was far too overpowered and that the gods needed to nerf him. Unfortunately for her the “15-year old nobody” was chosen as wish fulfillment for the gods and her request was denied. In addition they made a decree that she will be required to be a part of his harem.

In retaliation to this decision she unveiled her kingdom’s new superweapon The Peasant Railgun.  “It’s freakin’ awesome”! “Basically it takes a peasant and through magic accelerates them really really really fast. It even has the ability to punch through plot armor up to 7 friendships deep.

However, not everyone thinks this coolest thing ever. The main detractor is 15yearold powerfantasy who believes that allowing this weapon would set a dangerous precedent. “If we allow a weapon to exist it would mean future protagonists would need to put in effort to overcome the challenges placed before them instead of having victory handed to them”. Truly a tragedy.

Demon Lord Files Petition to Nerf Isekai Protagonist

Another season another exceptionally average isekai series. While it will undoubtedly make both fans and executives happy there’s at least one person who isn’t having a good time. The Demon Lord filed a complaint about how overpowered the new protagonist are and how the gods need to “nerf his ass”.  “He’s way too op the gods need to fix that.”  I mean they created a world where you are born into a specific class (level 80 eldritch summoner btw) so why can this punk freakin multiclass”! ” He should either be a fighter or a rogue or a mage or a witchblade or a summoner or an Apache attack helicopter (no idea what that is) not all of them.  And if they won’t do that then they should at least allow me to summon god-class abominations more than once a week. That and not have to be a part of his harem, that would be the ultimate super power.

Offended Man Offended That Anime Gives Him Nothing To Be Offended By

Somewhere in Vermont, (Probably)- Local man Aiden Pretentiouston is livid…again. Pretentiouston, known for his prolific ability to manufacture outrage, tweeted to his following about how awful the anime industry is for like the twelfth time…this year. “I can’t believe this” all they’re doing is airing feel-good slice of life series with strictly uplifting messages and themes”. “How am I supposed to lambaste them if they won’t do anything remotely wrong”! We here at SoA were surprised by these tweets as not having anything to rant about hasn’t stopped him before. Grab your popcorn folks, this is going to get wild.

 

Community Stunned After Demon Lord’s Abrupt Retirement

Early Tuesday morning the community was shocked to hear that The Demon Lord announced his retirement. Later that day he delivered quite the press conference.

Honestly, I’ve just had enough and i’m tired. Constantly trying to kill/enslave humanity was never any fun and the only reason I did this was because my parents whined for a month when I said I wanted to be an artist. “Ohhhh how will you find a wife” my mom’d moan. I dunno if she noticed, but her son looks like a radioactive grapefruit that was hit by a truck at mach 5.

I always hated living in that castle, it was so drab and ugly and had no space for entertaining guests. I mean yeah, there was a basement, but I’m not gonna host a dinner party in a torture chamber! That’s just rude.  Besides, I have this beautiful chalet in the mountains with a gorgeous lake view that I never get to use.

Also, I feel terrible for what I’ve done to the hero and her friends. They should be out having fun, living their lives, not fighting Mr. Evil Splattered Grapefruit. I was thinking of sending them this lovely rosé I found as an apology gift but then I remember they’re not old enough to drink and that’d be irresponsible of me. I hope I can come up with something else.

Thank you for coming everyone now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a whole lotta nothin to do.

 

 

 

edit: we had the rosé, it was fabulous.

Retailers to Accept Kidneys as Payment For That Sweet Anime Merch

Let’s face it anime merch is cool. There’s nothing like having 47 figurines of your waifu/husbando to tell the world that you are a man/woman of culture. However, there’s a downside to promoting your proud association to this glorious master race: that stuff’s expensive! When the best way to pay for a really cool figurine is to take out a loan with an interest rate so high it would make a sleazy used car salesman blush, there might be a problem. Luckily the industry agrees, and multiple sites have started have started giving people the choice to use their kidneys as a valid form of payment. An example of one such piece of merch is listed below.

Lala Yukata

Also accepted: the love and respect of your family

 

Well….that’s all I had

 

 

Childhood Friend Doesn’t Get Why She Had to Be Here

We’ve all had that one thing we couldn’t get out of. A pointless obligation we were forced to attend because not going would forever mark us as an ungrateful person who had the audacity to enjoy their life.

Such is the case with harem protagonist C+-‘s childhood friend Orange. “I don’t know why I’m here”. “He’s done nothing but ignore me since we were kids. I don’t even like him that much, I only became his friend out of pity. You’d be surprised  how hard it is for someone to make friends when they’re basically the physical manifestation of oatmeal.

I know I owe him for the time he performed CPR on my pet tuna, and the popularity of the series is great for my career but…I had to pass up starring in a mecha series for this. Now, instead of being a badass mech pilot, I get to spend 23 episodes chasing this bag of air around. I mean, yeah it’s cool the show’s being filmed on an island and the beautiful views are great for bragging to my Instagram followers. But I could’ve gone to space, and space is way cooler.