With Rent Prices Soaring Cat Moves Into Banana

It’s no secret rent is outrageous but what can we do? we all need a place to live, right? One cat said “fuck that” and moved into a banana. when asked why he said: “It’s ridiculous”. “I was working two full-time jobs paying $1000 a month for an apartment slightly larger than a galley kitchen”. When asked why he chose a banana as his choice of housing he said “it seemed like the best option”, “it’s cozy, has lots of character, and it’s portable too”. “I think it will let me to really live the way I want to”. The cat, who has since changed his name to, Bananya still has no concrete plans as to what he’ll do when he moves into his new home. “I’ll probably retire, argue with the narrator, and bounce around”.

New Protagonist Granted Dual Super-powers of Clairvoyance and Anxiety

In today’s hyper-competitive field of overpowered protagonists one power just isn’t enough. In response one author decided to spice things up they took the ever favorite future-sight and, along with it, gave our hero crippling anxiety. “This sucks, I mean yeah it’s cool I can win every fight and know what to say to everyone but that doesn’t mean much when I get anxious over things that won’t happen for 600 years”. “Couldn’t the author have given me a more reasonable combo power like super-high charisma but an insufferable personality”?

Demon Lord Increasingly concerned about Number of Teenagers Sent to Kill Her

In a recent interview Isekai Demon Lord Sartyia vented her frustration with being contractually obligated to fight random Japanese teenagers. “It’s absurd, the last one was like the 6th this season”. It’s gotten to the point where trying to kill them just feels wrong. Thankfully, I’ve found ways to keep them from getting too far. Like adding increasingly dumb misunderstandings between protagonist-kun and his clichè compadres. For example, I managed to create a 3 episode arc of him needing to deal with main-girl getting jealous because he had a 20 second conversation with a weapons vendor I turned into a cute girl. Forcing them to go on these adventures is exhausting but worth it. I mean, someone’s gotta look after these idiots.

In Protest to Gods Refusal to Fix World Balance Demon Lord Unveils Peasant Railgun

Recently the Demon Lord filed a complaint that the new Isekai protagonist was far too overpowered and that the gods needed to nerf him. Unfortunately for her the “15-year old nobody” was chosen as wish fulfillment for the gods and her request was denied. In addition they made a decree that she will be required to be a part of his harem.

In retaliation to this decision she unveiled her kingdom’s new superweapon The Peasant Railgun.  “It’s freakin’ awesome”! “Basically it takes a peasant and through magic accelerates them really really really fast. It even has the ability to punch through plot armor up to 7 friendships deep.

However, not everyone thinks this coolest thing ever. The main detractor is 15yearold powerfantasy who believes that allowing this weapon would set a dangerous precedent. “If we allow a weapon to exist it would mean future protagonists would need to put in effort to overcome the challenges placed before them instead of having victory handed to them”. Truly a tragedy.

Demon Lord Files Petition to Nerf Isekai Protagonist

Another season another exceptionally average isekai series. While it will undoubtedly make both fans and executives happy there’s at least one person who isn’t having a good time. The Demon Lord filed a complaint about how overpowered the new protagonist are and how the gods need to “nerf his ass”.  “He’s way too op the gods need to fix that.”  I mean they created a world where you are born into a specific class (level 80 eldritch summoner btw) so why can this punk freakin multiclass”! ” He should either be a fighter or a rogue or a mage or a witchblade or a summoner or an Apache attack helicopter (no idea what that is) not all of them.  And if they won’t do that then they should at least allow me to summon god-class abominations more than once a week. That and not have to be a part of his harem, that would be the ultimate super power.

Impending Catastrophe Waiting For Someone to Monologue on How Peaceful Everything is.

Offscreen, Tragic Flashback- It is yet another idyllic day in the town of Tragic Flashback and all is great. Unless you’re The Impending Calamity.

“This iss soooo freakin’ boooooring”. I’ve been here for TWO EPISODES and no one has monologued about how peaceful and perfect their life is here. How am I supposed to  kill everything they love if they don’t go on…and on…and on about how wonderful everything is? I mean sure, I could just show up anyway but that would be both super unprofessional and hurt my chances at getting any other roles.

Bethesda Betting on Cute Anime Girls To Ensure Starfield’s Success

After their money-bleeding performance of ” How to Ruin Everything in E minor” Bethesda Game Studios knew they were in trouble. They know that their next big release Starfield needs to be a massive success in order to both boost the bottom line and recover the goodwill they burned like a witch at the stake.

To ensure the success of their next marquee release they looked to the exceptional Fallout 4 modding community for ideas. After hours of intense research (i.e. scrolls through the “hot” section for awhile) they found the one thing that would ensure record-breaking sales numbers: cute anime girls. To be more specific The AnimeRace Nanakochan mod by hiyokomod.

This mod adds a new race into the game that let’s you play as a cute anime girl. Allowing you to to fulfill everyone’s dream of traveling through Post-Apocalyptia role playing a magical girl.

Due to this Bethesda has decided to swap every npcs’ race to the Animerace guaranteeing at lease an aggregate score of 8/10, multiple Game of the Year awards, and bragging rights that they made Mass Effect moe.

 

 

Chaos Ensues After Absolute Madman Finishes Series Before Reviewing It

It was on this day that hell came forth. Reviewer, Insertusernamehere, posted a review of a totally not fake show I didn’t want to come up with a name for. However, readers were baffled by how detailed it was. After some investigating by intrepid citizen journalists it came out that this user had actually watched the entire series before commenting on it. When this revelation came to light the internet lost its shit.

Pandemonium raged through forums like wildfire. Some users were in utter disbelief with one stating: “why would somebody do that? Being informed is a waste of time”. Other users were filled with unquenchable rage stating: ” how am I supposed to rail on a series when I’m presented with a well researched and unbiased review”!

This truly a crisis