With Rent Prices Soaring Cat Moves Into Banana

It’s no secret rent is outrageous but what can we do? we all need a place to live, right? One cat said “fuck that” and moved into a banana. when asked why he said: “It’s ridiculous”. “I was working two full-time jobs paying $1000 a month for an apartment slightly larger than a galley kitchen”. When asked why he chose a banana as his choice of housing he said “it seemed like the best option”, “it’s cozy, has lots of character, and it’s portable too”. “I think it will let me to really live the way I want to”. The cat, who has since changed his name to, Bananya still has no concrete plans as to what he’ll do when he moves into his new home. “I’ll probably retire, argue with the narrator, and bounce around”.

New JRPG Only 800 Hours Long

Tokyo, Japan- In a shocking announcement Atlus has revealed that their next marquee title, Darkest Hearts, will only last a mere 800 hours. When ask why the game would be so short the president of Atlus, Akira Nomoto, had this to say “with all that is happening in the world right now, we belived that a light experience would appeal to most players”.

The title is confirmed to be a JRPG/Visual Novel/Card Game hybrid and will follow a group of teenagers as they fight monsters, self-doubt, and a non-existent marketing campaign which will result in like three copies being sold.

The game is currently set to launch December 32, 2020

Study Finds Most Isekai Waifus Aren’t Actually Attracted to Protagonist

In a recent study conducted by Oxford University 96% of all romantic feelings displayed by Isekai waifus were greatly exaggerated.

The study which was conducted from the Spring of 2012 to Winter of 2019. showed that many of the girls cast as “love interests” often misrepresented the intensity of their feelings towards the protagonist when applying for the role.

The girls interviewed, all age at least 18, embodied a wide variety of tropes with the tiddy air head (referred to as “eye candy” in the study), excessively horny older sister to Masochist, Childhood friend, and masochist being the most commonly represented.

While individual reasons for each trope were not reported The one reason shared between all of the participants was, by lying about their feelings for him for misrepresenting their feelings was it made them more likely to get the roles which come with very lucrative merchandising deals.

Critics of the study state that the findings are unreliable due to the study’s focus on harem series. Many believe that excluding other, more nuanced story lines skews the data, not giving a complete picture. One critic called it “Absolute Garbage” and “an affront to proper academic research”. In response, The head of the study, Dr. William Goodlaw IV responded with “No U”. Truly a man of vast intellect.

New Series Uses We Built This City During Tragic Death Montage

In a move critics praised as “a unique take on a familiar concept” new series Flying Swords set a montage, killing off most of the stellar main cast, to the 1986 Mega-hit you still can’t get out of your head “We Built this City”.  When asked how the team came up with this idea the director stated “It’s all about subversion”. Even if it results in a work completely falling apart and ruining something promising, Everyone knows that subverting expectations automatically makes something artistic and interesting”.

 

Local Internet Person Returns From Hastily Written Time-skip Arc

This is my first post in awhile so I feel like I should explain myself. I just finished my final semester of college so, as you can imagine, things were really busy. In addition to an egregious amount of work I had a hard time coming up with ideas. However, now that I have more time than I know what to do with I’m planning on writing some more articles. Lets just hope this doesn’t turn into another “timeskip”.

Great Ending Ruined by Terrible Series

It was an ending writers wish they could make. It was thrilling. It tied up all the loose ends. It concluded the story in a way any fan would adore, if only there were any left. You see this perfect ending was unfortunately attached to “My Childhood Friend is a Tyrannical Dictator in Another World” an alleged romantic comedy/political thriller that has been lovingly described as “hot garbage” and “the anime equivalent of getting a tooth pulled nut somehow more painful”.

New Protagonist Granted Dual Super-powers of Clairvoyance and Anxiety

In today’s hyper-competitive field of overpowered protagonists one power just isn’t enough. In response one author decided to spice things up they took the ever favorite future-sight and, along with it, gave our hero crippling anxiety. “This sucks, I mean yeah it’s cool I can win every fight and know what to say to everyone but that doesn’t mean much when I get anxious over things that won’t happen for 600 years”. “Couldn’t the author have given me a more reasonable combo power like super-high charisma but an insufferable personality”?

Demon Lord Increasingly concerned about Number of Teenagers Sent to Kill Her

In a recent interview Isekai Demon Lord Sartyia vented her frustration with being contractually obligated to fight random Japanese teenagers. “It’s absurd, the last one was like the 6th this season”. It’s gotten to the point where trying to kill them just feels wrong. Thankfully, I’ve found ways to keep them from getting too far. Like adding increasingly dumb misunderstandings between protagonist-kun and his clichè compadres. For example, I managed to create a 3 episode arc of him needing to deal with main-girl getting jealous because he had a 20 second conversation with a weapons vendor I turned into a cute girl. Forcing them to go on these adventures is exhausting but worth it. I mean, someone’s gotta look after these idiots.

In Protest to Gods Refusal to Fix World Balance Demon Lord Unveils Peasant Railgun

Recently the Demon Lord filed a complaint that the new Isekai protagonist was far too overpowered and that the gods needed to nerf him. Unfortunately for her the “15-year old nobody” was chosen as wish fulfillment for the gods and her request was denied. In addition they made a decree that she will be required to be a part of his harem.

In retaliation to this decision she unveiled her kingdom’s new superweapon The Peasant Railgun.  “It’s freakin’ awesome”! “Basically it takes a peasant and through magic accelerates them really really really fast. It even has the ability to punch through plot armor up to 7 friendships deep.

However, not everyone thinks this coolest thing ever. The main detractor is 15yearold powerfantasy who believes that allowing this weapon would set a dangerous precedent. “If we allow a weapon to exist it would mean future protagonists would need to put in effort to overcome the challenges placed before them instead of having victory handed to them”. Truly a tragedy.