With Rent Prices Soaring Cat Moves Into Banana

It’s no secret rent is outrageous but what can we do? we all need a place to live, right? One cat said “fuck that” and moved into a banana. “It’s ridiculous”. “I was working two full-time jobs paying $1000 a month for an apartment slightly larger than a galley kitchen”. When asked why he chose a banana as his choice of housing he said “well it seemed like the best option” “it’s cozy, has lots of character, and it’s portable too”. “I think it will let me to really live the way I want to”. The cat, who has since changed his name to, Bananya still has no concrete plans as to what he’ll do when he moves into his new home. “I’ll probably retire, argue with the narrator, and bounce around”.

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Quality of Show’s Second Season in Jeopardy After Plot’s Flight Delayed

Disaster struck after the plot of a recent show decided to take a quick vacation before the show’s second season started filming when its flight was cancelled. With it stranded the new season will be a filler arc following the secondary cast and their quest to find the legendary macguffan: The Golden Blender of Supreme Wisdom and Destiny. Needless to say the plot was less than pleased about this turn of events “I paid $7,000 for a ticket so I could get back in time and now I’m going to be stuck here for another three weeks”. “I mean, I guess it’s cool that I get more time off but i’m concerned about this filler arc “. “hopefully the studio doesn’t make it canon or else retconning it s gonna be a big problem”.

Satired’s Guide To Making An Anime Part Two: Waifu Bait

Perhaps the most important aspect of any anime is waifu bait. Now, keep in mind, while the waifu bait can be your protagonist’s love interest it is not mandatory. The best option is to have her be a part of a harem because that means you can have multiple waifus at the same time. For their personalities, go with whatever everyone else is doing. Some good choices are: the classic Tsundere, the deadpan loli, and the narcissistic rich girl.  However keep in my that the waifus, just like your protagonist, should be as bland and self-insert-y as possible; you wouldn’t want to accidentally make them interesting would you?

For their character designs put them in questionably to overtly sexual schoolgirl outfits. Why? Figurines of course! Never mind that any school board would be crucified by parents and law enforcement if they ever tried pull this shit in real life you have some sweet PVC cash to make baby!

Thank you for reading this chapter of our guide and  remember; follow this guide and you will be able to create waifus just like the pros!

Next time on Satired’s Guide to Making an Anime: Sword Fights.

Satired’s Guide To Making An Anime Part One: The First Part

So, you want to make an anime? Well you have come to the right place! However, keep in mind this series is only for the most serious of creators so no goofballs no allowed. With that disclaimer out of the way let’s talk about the basics: plot, setting, and your MC.

For you’re plot make sure you make it up as you go along. Using a well-constructed story where every part has been thought-out and meticulously crafted takes waaaaaayyy too much effort and your audience will hate that. “What if I contradict myself you might ask”? “Just, retcon everything! There’s no way constantly negated everything that happened will irritate your audience.

For a setting make sure you choose a high school. Why? Because 14-17 year olds are the only ones capable of saving the world, duuuuuhhh. Everyone knows high school students are the most responsible people ever. Also, if someone asks you why is has to take place in a high school don’t because they obviously can’t understand the depth of your literary talent.

For the protagonist make sure he is as bland as possible. People adore “self-insert” characters with no discernible personality and hate likable characters that they can relate to. Also, make sure your protagonist is pointlessly overpowered. Don’t bother with coming up with any explanation for why he’s so strong because nobody cares and will never find his ridiculous strength contrived or undeserved. Also, never-ever make your character question his power or have him feel nervous about his overwhelming strength and concerned he could lose control and hurt those around him. And Remember, having him question if he really can defeat the antagonist would create a bad thing called conflict and everyone knows conflict is always bad.

Next Time On Satired’s Guide To Making An Anime: Waifu Bait

 

Rampage of Elder God Prevented New Crisis Looms

Deathbrand City, Montana- Disappointment, thy name is average. The rampage of a recently resurrected elder god was swiftly ended by a bland high-school student. According to reports he overslept and crashed into her while sprinting. Because of this “fateful encounter” the city suffered no damage and everything went on as usual. Despite this, Mayor Luke Arlington was very concerned. “I’m really happy no one was injured however, I’m afraid this will lead into a mediocre romantic “comedy” with gags no one has laughed at in this evolutionary cycle”. A local resident, who we could only assume is named Janet, had this to say: “It’s great that the city won’t be destroyed and all but I’d rather deal with the legions of the dammed over another, painfully average, rom-com”.

City Prepares For Resurrection of Elder God

Deathbrand City, Montana- It was just confirmed by city officials that the resurrection of a rampaging elder god will be occurring sometime tomorrow. When asked for his opinion on the catastrophe Mayor Luke Arlington expressed little concern. “From what we know the resurrection won’t be completed until after the morning commute”. “That means we probably won’t need to worry about accidents”. “Even better, the deity is a 600,000 year old loli; that’s great as it means we won’t need to deal with her crashing through buildings”. “However, the portals to hell and legions of the dammed might cause some delays during the evening commute”. Despite the mild nature of this catastrophe meteorologist, Ben Hemoglobin, is advising residents to be prepared for the inclement weather. “there is a high chance of raining blood so make sure you have an umbrella”. It is still who performed the resurrection ritual but the common consensus was: “the first person you would suspect”.

Residents Enraged About Traffic Caused By Tournament Arc

Normally this time of year is filled with feelings of bitterness and rage due to the cold weather (at least on this side of the planet). However, for the town of Backdrop, the all consuming rage is being cause by something worse than bad weather, traffic. Backdrop, located somewhere non-existent, has been the site of dozens of tournament arcs and the residents of this town can’t stand it anymore.”It’s like this every year” said lifelong resident Extra Ignoredington. “A tournament happens here and immediately our town turns into a smaller, more aggravating, version of the PCH”. “We get that every 14-year old kid needs to prove his worth by defeating his rival”; “We just want him to go do it somewhere else”. In an exclusive interview, via carrier pigeon, Mayor Sickofthisshit voiced his concerns over the excessive traffic. “My biggest concern is that emergency vehicles will have trouble getting to the area after the dumbass protagonist abuses the new power he got right before the tournament begins. Y’know the power he can’t control because he ignored his master’s warnings like an idiot”.